INDIAN JOINT VENTURES

10. A chain of "Bhaskar-RaoBins" ice cream stores all over the country, in collaboration with Baskin Robins.

9. Kraft will make "PARAMESAN CHEESE" at Madras, in collaboration with Parameswaran & Co.

8. Kentucky Fried Chicken will open its chain of Indian version, to be named, "KARNATAKI FLY-ED CHICKEN" and will be headquartered at Bangalore.

7. Pizza Hut will open a chain, in the back alleys of all cities, its version, to be named:"PICHHE HUT". Headquarters: Kanpur.

6. McDonalds will open its fast food restaurants to be named:"McDosalu". Headquarters-Hyderabad. Main menu: Idli and Dosa.

5. Mr. Submarine will name its restaurants as "Mr. SUBRAMANI", to be headquartered at Madras.

4. Red Carpets colored with biodegradable & environment friendly Red Paan Juice extracts.

3. Dallas Cowboys will own a new franchise: Dilli's COW-BHAIS which will be usefull in learning to play Football.. with hands.

2. Duty-free import of Ambassador cars into USA, as long as they are not used outside of Demolition Derby.

1. Internal Revenue Service will provide technology transfer of its Tax System software to Indian Income Tax Dept and to be named: "UNCLE SHYAM".

Indian Election: Application Form

Name of Candidate: _______________________

Present Address
Name of Jail: _______________________
Cell Number: ________________________
(If not in Jail, attach proof of illegally occupied residence)


Political Party: _______________________ (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological Order)

Sex : [ ]

Male
Female
Mayawathi


Nationality : [ ]

Italian
Indian
(if Indian attach attested copy of ration card, police certificate, passport, birth-certificate, electricity bill, phone bill and local goondas NOC. If Non-indian just Check box A)


Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
Defected
Expelled
Bought out
None of above
All of above


Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
To make money
To escape court trial
To grossly misuse power
To serve the public
I have no clue

(if you choose "D,- attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recogonised Government Psychiatrist)

How many years of public service experience do you possess ? [ ]
1-2 yrs
2-6yrs
6-15yrs
15+yrs


Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)

How many years have you spent in Jail ? [ ] (Do not confuse with question 8)
1-2 years
2-6 years
6-15 years
15+years


Are you involved in any financial scams ? [ ]
Why not
Of Course
Definitely
I deny it all
see a foreign hand


What is your Annual Corruption Income ? [ ]
100-500 Crores
500-1000 Crores
Overflow... (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)


Do you have any developmental plans for the country in mind? [ ]
No
No
No
No


Describe in space provided, your achievements :
Thumb Impresssion of candidate


Mera Bharat Mahan

The Beer Festival

After the Great Beer Festival in London, all the brewery bosses decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey senor! I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender serves him.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, "Give me a Coke."

The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery bosses look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Kingfisher?"

"Well," says the Kingfisher Brewery Boss, "if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I!"

Vijay Mallaya... The King of Good Times!

Good Luck !

A group of Americans was touring India. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable the food is terrible It's too hot, It's too cold & the accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Khajuraho Temples.

"Good luck will be following you all your days, if you kiss the Black Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."

"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."

"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.

"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."