Story of SANTA and BANTA

Once Santa and Banta both were beaten badly and were lying on the hospital beds..here is the conversation between them.

SANTA: oye Banta what happened with you?
BANTA: Yaar I was coming in the bus, with a packet of photographs in my hand, suddenly the packet fell downand I started to recollect the photographs.

SANTA: then what happened?
BANTA: One photo was lying under a woman, I said mam will u please lift your skirt I have to take a photograph, and the whole crowd beat me cruely.

BANTA: But what happened with you?
SANTA: One day when I was on a tour, I lost my whole money so I requested a man to let me stay for the night in his house, but he refused saying that "I have got one grown up daughter so i'm sorry", then I asked another man he also refused saying that " I have got two grown up daughters so i'm sorry", then I knocked the third door and asked "sir do you have any grown up daughter, I have to stay for the night".

Doctor.....Really?

The doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous beauty.

"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the medic, as he regained som of his professional dignity, "that you discontinue some of your running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start eating properly and getting to bed early."

Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!

Meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.

Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.

Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over US and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed."

All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The Surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"

Gavaskar.........ha ha ha

When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this? You named your movie `Gavaskar`, but didn?t show anything about me in it!". The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called `Border`, but did you show anything about Allan Border in it?"

Stupid Shayaries

Door se dekha to kuchh dikha nahi...
Dooor se dekhaaa...
to kuchh dikha nahi...
Paas jake dekhaa to kuchh tha hi nahi

Door se dekha to Patthhar dikhta tha...
Dooor se dekha...
to Patthharr dikhtaa thaa...
Paas jake dekha to...
suchmuch Patthhar hi thaa.

Door se dekha to paani baras raha tha
Door se dekha to paani baras raha tha Paas gaya...
to bheeg gaya.

Door se dekha to sher tha
Door se dekha to sher tha
Is liye paas gaya hi nahi

Santa Funny

Santa was invited to Banta's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Jalebi, Honey, Pyaari, Darling, Sweetheart etc. He was impressed, since the couple had been married almost 40 years.

While the wife was in the kitchen, Santa said, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years, you still call bhabhiji those pet names."

Banta hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

The Driving Test

A Indian girl goes to take her driving test...she has studied very hard for this test. When she comes home from taking the test her friend asked her how she did on the test....

The Indian girl answered: Well the officer said I did very well, but I still don't understand why he gave me an "F" on gender.......

Smart Ass Johnny

Johnny always wanted to have sex with this hot blonde girl in his office but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said: "I will give you a $100 if you let me have you" but the girl said "NO".

Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult with her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She said "The Son of Bitch used coins and I had to keep my word."

IT MUST BE TRUE, IT'S IN THE BIBLE

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.

After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS." The preacher replied that he was sure it must be in there somewhere, and that he would look for it.

The following week after service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

Marriage License

Inspired by the recent row over giving marriage licenses to gays, lesbians etc in the US

A scene at City Hall in San Francisco

"Next."
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license.

Next."

"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."!
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights!
The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"

"All right, all right. Next."

"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."

Now you would have to guess what could be next.

The Beer Festival

After the Great Beer Festival in London, all the brewery bosses decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey senor! I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and opens it for him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the most refreshing beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender serves him.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

Vijay Mallaya sits down, looks around and says, "Give me a Coke."

The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery bosses look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Kingfisher?"

"Well," says the Kingfisher Brewery Boss, "if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will I!"

Vijay Mallaya... The King of Good Times!

Different forms of Leave Applications

* Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: "Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."


* This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."


* Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."


* From H.A.L. Administration Dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."


* Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"


* An incident of a leave letter: "I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."


* A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"


* One more leave application : "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Scuba Diving

A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him.

He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?"

The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, "You asshole, I'm drowning."