Heaven Or Hell Which Is Better?

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell.

The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error.

The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stop to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up.

President Clinton: No problem.

Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.

President Clinton: Why's that?

Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

President Clinton: You're a day late.

Thats Life

I don't want to go to office today! (Visual Joke)


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Oh god... My stomach is aching... I cant come to office...




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Y u r not listening to me only... I will not come to office




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leave me... I wont come to office... leave me alone!




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But finally... brought into office... my life got spoiled




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This bug will not get fixed and this stupid boss will not leave me..




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ohoo... how to fix these bugs... God pls help me




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When life is hard and Saturday is still away,
there is only one thing to do!

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What is confidence?????

What is confidence?

A hypothetical situation where 20 CEO's board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature Pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft.

Each one of the CEO's is then told, privately, that their company's software is Aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse.

One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed, asked why he is so confident in this first uncrewed flight, he replies "If it is the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off."

This is Confidence!!!

BOSS

Ode to my Boss!! (Visual Joke)

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Doctor.....Really?

The doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous beauty.

"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the medic, as he regained som of his professional dignity, "that you discontinue some of your running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start eating properly and getting to bed early."

Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!

The EMPLOYEMENT SEEKER

1) My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

2) Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3) After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4) Next,I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5) Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

6) My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

7) I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

8) Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit.

9) I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

10) I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

11) So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

12) After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

13) My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

14) SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

KAAM SHAALA TRULY Rang de basanti ishtyle! ....

NO work load
NO work load

apni to kaam-shala masti ki kaam-shala
apni to kaam-shala masti ki kaam-shala

na koi kaam karne wala
na koi appraisal pane wala

apni to kaam-shala masti ki kaam-shala
apni to kaam-shala masti ki kaam-shala

kaisa ye sannata hai…
kaam kyun nahi koi karta hai..

Charo aur machta Shor hai.
har koi kaam chor hai… (Drum beats…)

phokat ki sub khate hai..
mail check kar, chale jate hai..

kuch fwd ki kuch receive ki
jo kaam ki nahi use delete ki.. (Drum beats…)

NO work load
NO work load
NO- NO NO work Load

apni to kaam-shala masti ki kaam-shala
apni to kaam-shala masti ki kaam-shala

Bench per rahane se sikhi humne Makkari
Project ke kam se hogye hum Sarkari

Aakho main ek sapna hai
Amir sub ko banna hai

Kaam na karne ki humari Aadat ha
i Yahi to humari asli Daulat hai.

NO work load
NO work load
apni to kaam-shala
masti ki kaam-shala
apni to kaam-shala
masti ki kaam-shala

Government Employee & Genie

A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes.

"I'd love an ice-cold beer right now," he told the genie.

Poof! A beer appeared.

Next, the man said, "I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women."

Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him.

"Oh, man this is the life," the guy thought. "I wish I never had to work again."

And poof! He was back at his desk in the government office!

Job Rejected? reply them with this!

Next time your application for a job is rejected... send this letter to that firm.

Dear [Interviewer's Name]:

Thank you for your letter of [Date of Interview].

After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your firm. This year I have had been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite [Firm's Name]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.

Sincerely,
[Your Name]

Old Boss Retirement Party

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff "miss" him.

Most people are writing standard phrases like, "Without you, the company will never be the same,"

"We will always remember you," etc.

Obviously the boss was not satisfied. "I need something from the bottom of your heart, something really touching, you know. Okay, Robin, you have been working with me for the last 20 years. You are my best staff. I am retiring now. What do you have to say?"

Slowly but firmly, Robin wrote, "THE BEST NEWS IN 20 YEARS."

Different forms of Leave Applications

* Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: "Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave."


* This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."


* Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."


* From H.A.L. Administration Dept: "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."


* Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"


* An incident of a leave letter: "I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday."


* A leave letter to the headmaster: "As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"


* One more leave application : "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Are you frustrated with your boss?

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK


1. Open a new file in your PC .


2. Name it "Boss"


3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN


4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN


5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently?"


6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....


7. Feel better?

The Habitual Mistake

An employee walks into the Accounts office and says "What is the meaning of this. I have been paid $200 less than what was decided upon."

The Accountant replies "I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid $200 extra by mistake last month."

The employee snaps back "Yeah, I can bear with occasional mistakes but when you make it a habit I think I need to report."

Dentist

A Lady walks into the dentist's office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open.

"You must have made a mistake," says the shocked dentist, "The gynaecologist?s office is one level higher."

To that the lady replies, "No mistake, you installed my husband's dentures last week, now you'll be the one getting them out."