CRICKET: As explained to a foreigner....

You have two sides, one out in the field and one on in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of game.


* An American had been to go to a cricket match while he was in England. He watched with pleasure as the team came out and the batsmanscored four runs off the six balls. then the umpire called "OVER". "Well", he said, getting up, "It's a nice game-but it's too short."

Collection of famous quotes by Navjot Singh Sidhu

1. That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.

2. There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.

3. Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.

4. This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was run out in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."

5. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taximeter.

6. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.

7. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!

8. He is like Indian three-wheeler, which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!

9. The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world, which does not have wings!

10. As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.

11. The ball whizzes past like a bumble -bee and the Indians are in the sea.

12. The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin a haystack.

13. The pitch is as dead as a dodo.

14. Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!

15. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala one falls and everything else falls!

16. Indian team without Sachin is like giving Kiss without a Squeeze.

17. You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.

18. Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goalkeeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.

19. He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.

20. One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.

21. This quote was made after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain T&T "Eddie ichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."

22. Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.

23. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.

24. You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.

25. The cat with gloves catches no mice.

26. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.

27. You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

28. He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.

29. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.

30. Kumble's bowling at the moment is flat as a Dosa.

Gavaskar.........ha ha ha

When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this? You named your movie `Gavaskar`, but didn?t show anything about me in it!". The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called `Border`, but did you show anything about Allan Border in it?"

Practicing

A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?" The husband looks up and replies, "no, I'm fine. I'm just practicing." The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing? Practicing for what?" Then the husband says, "India-Australia Cricket series starts tomorrow!"

Difference

Q:) what is the difference between a cricket fielder and a condom?

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A:) one drops a catch and other catches a drop

Cricketing Interview with Mandira Bedi

1. This is your first stint as commentator. What kind of homework did you do?
I personally want to thank Aamir Khan for creating such a learning tool for me? I've watched Lagaan 15 times so far.

2. How important is it for our cricketers to improve their technique?
I really can't comment on that ... (blushing) ... Oh! That! Yes, it is very important for them to work on their technique constantly ....

3. What are the qualities required in a commentator?
I think most other requirements are obvious, but here's a tip? I've discovered that getting your teeth whitened really helps.

4. How good is your knowledge of cricket?
Better than George Bush's knowledge of geography.

5. Okay, tell us, who's the third man?
Well, in the last match it was Sourav Ganguly. Charu, hey Charu, didn't Sourav bat third in the match against Pakistan?

6. Tut tut, what position does the third man take?
Listen, you go read the Kamasutra. I don't have time for nonsense like this.

7. Mandira, third man is a fielding position. Where does the third man stand?
Oh, you mean that, After the first and the second.

8. Do you know where a cover drive is headed?
I'm afraid in cricket, the ball has a mind of its own, and a lot of the times you have to wait and watch. I'm sorry, I can't help you with that one.

9. What's second slip?
The second time a fielder drops a catch.

10. What's a wide?
Well, Kapil said my neckline was rather wide today ...

11. Female cricket commentators are rare. Who have you modelled yourself on?
Jane Fonda. Do you know how popular her fitness videos are, and since cricket is also about fitness, there could be no one better for me to emulate.

12. Do you feel that cricket is a fair game?
Mostly, but sometimes I feel that there is a loophole. For instance, they say there's a third umpire. But who knows if there's a person inside that screen.

13. People say you have been selected as commentator to titillate the male audience. Is that true?
Really?! But the producers said I had a talent ...

14. People are looking forward to your outfit for the finals ... What will you be wearing for the match?
Whether India reaches the finals or not, I will show my patriotism by wearing a designer ghaghra choli in tricolour.

15. That strapped choli you wore the other day... isn't it cold in the studio?
Not at all. In fact, it's rather hot. Have you noticed how Srikkanth and Kapil melt like wax candles while they're around me?

16. How do you prepare for matches?
I first find out who is playing against whom, and in all fairness wish both teams all the best. And, if India is playing, I sing a special Hum honge kamyaab.