After the monica lewinsky case.......

Pamela.a.lee: If I was hillary I would have divorced bill

Bill clinton: If hillary was pamela this would not have happened.

Similarities...........Lets see

Q:) Whats the similar thing between america's national flag and monica's skirt ?

A:) Both are hoisted by Mr. Clinton.

Campaign Funds

A politician was presenting his argument before the party’s finance committee. “I want a million dollars for my campaign,� he said.

“But your campaign won’t cost that much,� protested the committee members.

“I know that,� said the politician, “but in case I lose I want to be able to live comfortably.�

Who's Daddy?

One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and announced, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt." After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside, "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife, but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I ahve fooled around with other women at lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him."

Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again, her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this."

Chelsea was furious! She finally decided to go to her mother and tell her. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married", she complained. "Every time I fall in love, dad tells me the guy is my half-brother." Hillary just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says dear. He's not real your father."

When Bill met Monica...Bollywood Ishtyle

It all began on a day when Bill sat in the Oval Office and sang a number from Jewel Thief "Yeh Bill na hota bechara, kadam na hote awara," At that moment, Monica who was passing by the room, heard it and responded lustily from the corridor-"Bill, dhak dhak karne laga,mora jiyara darne laga.." And Bill, brimming with thrill, rushed to open the door, opened it and then realised that he is the President.

So he paused and looked helplessly at her (like Ajay Devgan in "pyaar to hona hi tha") but Monica could hear Kumar Sanu's song in the back ground "Jab kisi ki taraf Bill Jhukne lage, baat agar juban par rukne laga, bol do ke tumne pyar hone lage.." she was touched though he wasn't touching her yet, and said,"Dil Bill, pyaar vyar main kya janoo re.."

The next minute, when he saw the glint in her eyes, He realised there was hope and he gazed into Monica's eyes (like Bobby Deol in Kareeb, and sang "Chori chori jab Bill ne kaha, chori chori jab nazarein mili, chori mein bhi hai mazaa!"Then he pulled her into his office (thinking Amir Khan in Ghulam) "Aankhon se toone yehkya keh diya ?" he asked her softly. "Bill ye deewana machalne laga.." Monica picked the cue and replied. "Yeh kya hua, pehle to aisa hota na tha, mein hoon kahan main janoo na.." Bill closed the door of his office and turned to her with a mischevious smile-"Hum tum ek kamre mein bandh ho, aur chabi kho jaye.." The rest is History. But as something happened inside the oval office on that fateful day the security guards only heard AR Rahman's full throated title "Bill se, Bill se, Bill se...Bill to akhir Bill hai na.."

This was President Bush favorite song for quite some time......

If You're Happy And You Know It Bomb Iraq
If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are Saudi,
And your alibi is shoddy,
And your tastes remain quite gaudy,
Bomb Iraq.

If you never were elected, bomb Iraq.
If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq.
If you think that SUVs,
Are the best thing since sliced cheese,
And your father you must please,
Bomb Iraq.

If the globe is quickly warming, bomb Iraq.
If the poor will soon be storming, bomb Iraq.
We assert that might makes right,
Burning oil is a delight,
For the empire we will fight,
Bomb Iraq.

If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq.
If we think that someone's dissed us, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

If corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq.
If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq.
If your politics are sleazy,
And hiding that ain?t easy,
And your manhood?s getting queasy,
Bomb Iraq.

Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq.
For our might now knows no borders, bomb Iraq.
Disagree? We?ll call it treason,
It's the make war not love season,
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

The politician

A politician visited a car factory. The manager went out of the way to show him around & at the end of the tour, offered the Minister a free car.

"Oh, no," said the Minister, "I cannot accept it."

"In that case I'll sell it to you for just Rupees five hundred."

The Minister handed the Manager two five-hundred rupee notes: "In that case, I'll have two."

Indian Election: Application Form

Name of Candidate: _______________________

Present Address
Name of Jail: _______________________
Cell Number: ________________________
(If not in Jail, attach proof of illegally occupied residence)


Political Party: _______________________ (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the Chronological Order)

Sex : [ ]

Male
Female
Mayawathi


Nationality : [ ]

Italian
Indian
(if Indian attach attested copy of ration card, police certificate, passport, birth-certificate, electricity bill, phone bill and local goondas NOC. If Non-indian just Check box A)


Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
Defected
Expelled
Bought out
None of above
All of above


Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
To make money
To escape court trial
To grossly misuse power
To serve the public
I have no clue

(if you choose "D,- attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recogonised Government Psychiatrist)

How many years of public service experience do you possess ? [ ]
1-2 yrs
2-6yrs
6-15yrs
15+yrs


Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)

How many years have you spent in Jail ? [ ] (Do not confuse with question 8)
1-2 years
2-6 years
6-15 years
15+years


Are you involved in any financial scams ? [ ]
Why not
Of Course
Definitely
I deny it all
see a foreign hand


What is your Annual Corruption Income ? [ ]
100-500 Crores
500-1000 Crores
Overflow... (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)


Do you have any developmental plans for the country in mind? [ ]
No
No
No
No


Describe in space provided, your achievements :
Thumb Impresssion of candidate


Mera Bharat Mahan

Just Imagine......

Laloo's (desi) personal computer!



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The Logon Screen




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The Start Menu



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Windows Famous Error Messages



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The Shutdown screen!

Show Off

At a summit meeting (during Zail Singhs presidency) Indira Gandhi, Ronald Reagan and Helmut Kohl were talking among themselves and bragging about the technological advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine.

Reagan: In Washington, there was a baby boy born without arms, so we attached artificial arms on him. Now that hes grown, he has become an Olympic professional boxer and a gold medalist at that.

Kohl: Thats nothing to that we have done. Back in Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs, so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time marathon gold medalist in the Olympics.

Indira Gandhi: Is that all you have - just gold medalists? In Punjab, we had a baby boy born without a head. We attached a coconut and put a turban on it so that people wouldnt know. Now he is president of India.

The Dark Truth

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local reputation:

In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. As the mystic took her reading, she had a struck look on her face, looked up and said, "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's wrinkled face, then at the single flickering candle on the table. Looking aside for a moment, Hillary then looked back down to her wringing hands in her lap. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and consider her question; she just had to know.

Hillary met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question: "Will I be acquitted?"