Akbar and Salim

Shahenshah Akbar finds out about Salim's affair with Anarkali. In grave anger, he calls for his son, his voice thundering through the halls of the palace....

Akbar: "Salim! Idhar Aao"

Salim: "Jee Jahaan-Panaah"

Akbar: "Salim!!! tum ne do paise ki choot ke liye mughal sultanat ki maa chodh di...."

Salim...now obviously equally angry replies: "Jahaan-panaah..Kya hum ne aap ka thaanaa??? Agar aap ka Lund lund...to kya humara lund rataalu??? Humara lund jo ho khadaa...to kya aap ki gaand mein daaloo???"

Akbar disgusted with his son, complains to his wife..Jodhabai: "Maharani Jodha...kya hum ne aapko is din ke liye chodha...ki humari aulaad, humari gand mein ungali kare, aur usme se bagaawat ki boo aaye."

Maharani Jodha gets all worked up and angry and orders: "Sipaahiyoon, Salim ko jhaaton ki Zanjeeron mein jakad lo, aur Anarkali ki baudi mein daal do."

Ballerina....!.

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

However, down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

"As far as I'm concerned," the drunk replied, "any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"

Gynaecology Conference

Gynaecology Conference In the middle of an international gynaecology conference, an English and a French gynaecologist are discussing various cases they've recently treated. French Gynaecologist : "Only last week, zer was a woman ooh came to see me, and 'er cleetoris - eet was like a melon." English Gynaecologist : "Don't be absurd, it couldn't have been that big, my good man, she couldn't have been able to walk if it was." French Gynaecologist : "Aaah, you eenglish, zare you go again, always talkeeng about ze size... I was talkeeng about ze flavour..."

Smart Ass Johnny

Johnny always wanted to have sex with this hot blonde girl in his office but she belonged to someone else. One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said: "I will give you a $100 if you let me have you" but the girl said "NO".

Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up.

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult with her boyfriend. So she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened. She said "The Son of Bitch used coins and I had to keep my word."

Discussing

Three guys are discussing women.

"I like to watch a woman's tits best," the first guy says.

The second says "I like to look at a woman's ass."

He asks the third guy "What about you?".

"Me? I prefer to see the top of her head!!!"

Hot Rhyme

On the breast of a lady named Gail
Was tattoed the price of her tail
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Braille.

How are a woman and a frying pan similar?

Question. How are a woman and a frying pan similar?

Answer. You have to get both of them hot before you put the meat in.

Deserted

A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years.

One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky.

The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."

The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch.

Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper.

The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle.

Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!"

Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!"

Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks.

Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband.

He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it.

The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-bitch! From up here it DOES look like they're screwing.

The Hard On

This guy has a crush on a girl at his work. He is dying to ask her out on a date, but every time he sees her he gets the biggest erection ever. There is nothing he can do to control it.

After some time, he decides to get her phone number and call her up. This way he won't have to see her and he won't get too excited. He ends up asking her out and she says yes.

He figures what he'll do is tie his penis to his leg so when he sees her it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it. He gets to her house. When he knocks on her door, she answers the door in a sheer teddy.

He kicks her in the face.

Two Sperms

Once a young guy was basking at the beach, and inside his cock their were two sperms were fighting with each other ...

One said,"i'm future president of this country".

Second exploded,"hah!what president...i'm future PM of this country.President is only for name sake...."

As fight was on...a really sexy blonde ..with top less passed by... and that poor chap hedid'nt had any options....he masturbated.

Both sperms cameout in jiffy. very dejected and dissappointed....

one of them said,"sale ne, do minute ke maaje ke liya career cahupate kar diya".

Builder and Destroyer

Builder and Destroyer

A girl asked, Who is the greatest terrorist of all?

The man replied, "A woman. You see she knocks of one tower every night."

The woman replied, "Ya and sure enough a man is the greatest re builder of all. He erects one tower a night."

Second Hand

Second Hand

A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party.

After knocking back a few drinks, he goes over to the new guy and asks him: "So... how do you like using second hand stuff?"

To which the new husband replied: "It isn't that bad. Past the first 3 inches, it's all brand new."

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson is walking out from the operating room after his wife gave birth to their son.

Michael says "Hey Doc how long till we can have sex?"

The Doctor says "At least wait till he is walking Michael!!"

Dentist

A Lady walks into the dentist's office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open.

"You must have made a mistake," says the shocked dentist, "The gynaecologist?s office is one level higher."

To that the lady replies, "No mistake, you installed my husband's dentures last week, now you'll be the one getting them out."